My first spiritual teacher was an old Dutch woman at the Sivananda Center in South Africa who taught me Yoga Nidra and meditation when I was 18. Here is a pic of me during that trip where I’m getting blessings from a Hanuman Sadhu.

Yoga Nidra is a state of consciousness between waking and sleeping where one settles into a profound relaxation. My teacher guided us by using a wide range of images to take us deeper into our bodies and profound states of relaxation. This was my first introduction to the powerful connection guided imagery had on my mind and body.

There is an interesting part in all of us that is able to harness our minds and awareness to imagine what a certain experience would be like, even if we haven’t experienced it directly. I would imagine myself into different states of consciousness. I would imagine myself into blissful states of peace. I would imagine myself connected to oneness. Yoga Nidra was strengthening my imaginative mind.

Working as a doula and prenatal teacher I could imagine, as I had witnessed many births and had taught many pregnant women, what it must have felt like to practice with a big belly and also to birth a baby, but of course I hadn’t experienced it yet. There is a concept in psychology called induced transference, where a therapist can pick up on what their client is feeling even if it is not verbally expressed. This requires the therapist to be present with a certain level of openness and awareness. When I witnessed births or taught pregnant woman, somewhere between my imagination and empathy I felt I could connect to what they were experiencing. I felt my body knew what their body was feeling like. Perhaps this kind of induced transference is the part in all of us that is linked to humanity without boundary and projection but actually opening up a field of oneness between ourselves and other. I wonder if this is the part of imagination that is actually real?

I teach the Pre-Natal trainings at Yogamaya and I share inspiring images and videos I have gathered of women giving birth. At one point in my own labor, I recalled one of these images. What was once just an image that I loved became a strength I could draw from. I used my imagination to get through the now real experience of birthing. There we were, this woman on YouTube and me, across time and space, together helping me birth.

I love teaching prenatal yoga teacher training because not only do we learn about the technical aspects of each trimester and the anatomy of birth, but we also tap into the collective consciousness of the Great Mother. There is never a dry eye in the room when we watch birth videos. Why? Because we can all feel the mystery and power of the birthing women. We can all appreciate the awe and wonder of the newborn babe making her way into this world. We can feel in our bodies something in this woman’s experience and the specialness of this common but magical moment. There is something about birth that just touches the heart in a unique way if we allow it.

Teaching prenatal yoga is a special kind of gift that we can give blossoming mothers. Pregnancy is the great permission giver. You have to allow yourself to move and feel in a different way. You are not the same as before, you are watching yourself transform. As my teacher taught me all those years back in Yoga Nidra to concentrate on my body in a specific way, so too does a birthing mother have to use her awareness to move through birth creatively. Being in a supportive environment that allows this is crucial to an empowering experience. Yoga sets you up for birth, which requires the same level of attentiveness and mindfulness we find in yoga class. As teachers we can hold this special space for her to go within, just like my Mataji did for me many years ago.

Register for Prenatal Training here.

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Have you ever wondered when your yoga practice will transform you? When will your practice make you a kinder person? When and how will your heart soften and you will emerge as truly more compassionate and humble? What, when and how do the practices of yoga transform our existence in the real world? When will you notice it working?

I remember taking my first yoga class with chanting and my love for Kirtan was discovered. From that initial exposure until now, I have embraced the act of chanting and crying out the Holy Names of the Goddesses and Gods with others. Back in 2001 I purchased a CD called “Nectar” by Jai Uttal and was totally taken by the sweetness these mantras express and the depths of the moods they invoke. At that time I felt I needed to listen to this CD everyday to feel whole, and not a day went by where I didn’t listen to the 25 minute ‘Om Namah Shivaya’ track.

About a year after that, on a cold rainy night in October, Jai Uttal was in town and leading a Kirtan at Integral Yoga Institute. I got there a little late and the room was packed. Somehow, by luck, my yoga friend Tobias Fields was sitting near the front middle and waved me over. This gave me an unsaid permission to tiptoe over the crowd, plop down and smush myself into the center of this energetic tornado that is Kirtan. I had never felt anything like this before – it was like the music and mantras picked me up and carried me beyond to some blissful planet where I could understand that everything was perfect. I felt full of love and oddly enough found myself mentally forgiving people I felt wronged me! How healing!

I didn’t know it at the time, but this evening was the linchpin in my ongoing love affair with Kirtan. Long story short, I signed up for all the programs Jai was doing that weekend and followed him around for the next several years from NYC to Kripalu and onto Guatemala for his 8-day Kirtan Camp. It was at that Kirtan Camp that my own small awakening occurred – so simple yet so profound.

By the time I went to this camp, I had been practicing yoga for a few years, completed a teacher training and was teaching yoga. I felt I was a sincere student of yoga. I listened intently to the talks in classes and in workshops about the practices and the possible outcomes yoga could provide to dedicated students. I learned about enlightenment, compassion, mindfulness, meditation, oneness, devotion, prayer, self-care, pranayama, asana, chakras, mudras, alignment and mantras.

But I was confused.

I observed long-time yogis acting badly. I witnessed people who were self-proclaimed yogis and yoga teachers being very flawed individuals. In fact, I was a yoga teacher and was observing my own lack of compassion and various human flaws. I remember feeling embarrassed about how little I felt I was an actual yogi, whatever that meant, while being a “yoga teacher”. Could I really call myself that? Should any of us call ourselves true yogis?

One observation I found particularly troubling – a yoga teacher being mean and lacking compassion towards their students. To be fair, there are many different kinds of teaching personalities and students respond differently to various methods, this way just didn’t feel right to me. One day a student walked into the practice space without realizing to remove her shoes, and I saw the teacher embarrass the hell of out this person and treat her like a complete fool. The message was something like “this is a sacred yoga room and you should never ruin it with shoes!”. But, somehow it was ok to ruin the sacred environment with humiliation? Shoes are bad and humiliation is ok. Confusion and lack of faith enveloped me.

Back to Kirtan Camp. This camp took place in a beautiful retreat center “Villa Sumaya” on the sacred Lake Atitlan eleven years ago. There were about forty souls attending. Jai Uttal, his wife Nubia, their eight-month old baby Ezra Gopal and awesome tabla player Daniel Paul together led an eight-day deep dive into Kirtan and Bhakti Yoga.

We chanted around eight hours every day and I never knew how Jai’s voice held out. Every evening Jai would tell stories about his Guru and the epic tale The Ramayana. People were lying down on body-sized pillows and getting comfortable while he spoke. I was mortified. I was taught you were to always show respect for the teacher by sitting upright while they were speaking. Jai seemed 100% undisturbed by our relaxed state. We were on a cozy retreat and it was evening story-time, but still I was surprised and intrigued by his openness – it felt so loving.

The owner of the retreat center had a few children, and they were friends with the other kids around the Lake. While the kids played, the adults gathered for yoga, storytelling and Kirtan in a big space called the Tiger Temple room. It really was a temple and so we all removed our shoes before entering. This made total sense. One afternoon Jai was speaking and here come a group of kids running into the Temple, making noise, playing and wearing shoes!

I felt my chest tighten. I thought Jai would be so disturbed by this. Everyone is going to feel annoyed and interrupted and these kids are ruining the sacred space with their shoes and joyful playing noises. OMG! OMG! OMG! Will he yell at them? My whole body tightened, bracing for the embarrassing reprimand these kids were about to receive.

Guess what? Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. Jai was completely unfazed. I remember a genuine sweetness in his tone praising the sounds of joy and play!

I realized in that moment that I was bracing myself for conflict and harsh words and that never came. I was shielding myself against Jai, or anybody else, schooling those kids. I was ready for Jai to be disappointing and I would forgive his anger because he was doing the appropriate thing. Admittedly, one part of me felt somebody should teach these kids that they should not interrupt the adults learning about Bhakti Yoga and how to soften their own hearts – irony intended.

I was happy for the awareness that slowly washed over me. As with any humbling experience, I was internally saddened that I had come to expect anger from yoga teachers. I understood that Bhakti Yoga was working on somebody – I was seeing it personally! I was surprised that this was the simple example I needed. What a profound and simple gift from that week – I could also embrace this mood! I had permission! I didn’t need to be that type of teacher who humiliates students for making mistakes! I desired loving teachers and people like Jai in my life. I wanted to be openhearted, humble and inwardly secure enough not to take everything personally. In other words – less ego.

I am still learning and need to remind myself often as I continue to observe my own flaws, that we are all where we are. We may have chosen a path, but it doesn’t mean it’s perfectly paved or the journey is smooth. There is no real timetable for progress, which is why humility is so essential.

But thank you Jai and fellow Kirtan Campers for that moment. You may not remember it, but that 100% awakened and shifted my heart. Jai told us at this camp, “Bhakti Yoga is a practice to soften your heart. You can be a great yogi and still a great demon, but with a soft heart, you can become loving.”

http://jaiuttal.com/nectar/

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I played basketball in high school and my Dad, a 6’7” college basketball star, would coach me and often quote the famous Coach John Wooden. Between 8th Grade and my Senior year, Dad and I would wake up early 4 mornings a week so we would be at the front door of the YMCA right at the 5:25am opening, hours before school and hours before we had to compete for court time. For some reason John Wooden popped into my mind this morning and I googled him.

How funny is this pic?

John Wooden coached at UCLA and won 10 Championships in 12 years, he is in the Basketball Hall of Fame as both a coach and player, and he is an all around inspirational person. I found a TED Talk he gave and listened.

Listening to his talk today was satisfying and awesome! In simple language, Coach was speaking about concepts from great yogic texts like the Yoga Sutras and the Bhagavad Gita. His talk was full of realizations and good ideas.

Good ideas are how we open our minds and transform our existence.  Good ideas apply across every platform in life, and they are eternal truths. Around the 9 minute mark Coach pulls out his “Pyramid of Success” and tells the audience that at the very top of the pyramid are the two most important things, “faith and patience”. What?!!?

Cher and John Wooden literally said the exact same two words and even in the same order! I love when two totally diverse sources filter out the noise and drill down to the same conclusions. It points to something we can lean into and explore. Faith and patience, a wonderful combination, like chocolate and almonds, or tomatoes and bread.

A few years ago I had my own realization about what is needed to sustain and inspire a continued practice. I discovered the secret sauce that makes the path forward a little more easful: Humility and sincerity, with a large side of gratitude.

Humility these days might seem uncool, but I have found it is actually freeing and helps me appreciate all that comes, good and bad. It helps me appreciate other people, especially those who I used to feel envy for. It helps me feel more in control of how I respond to things that would before illicit a fast and not so nice response. On good days, I might even “respond more skillfully”, as my teacher Carrie reminds us is one outcome of a dedicated practice.

Sincerity makes me feel like my life has true meaning and helps connect my actions to the true feelings in my heart. Authentic actions feel better. Happiness does not just come because of good circumstances, but from an understanding of the true nature of our soul, and a sincere desire to “wake up” to that true nature.

Gratitude helps us cultivate an inner joy that is 100 times greater than anything you put out. Dhanurdhara Swami explained to me that when you feel love for something, it puts you in a position to feel love from something. We all want to feel the love coming!

All of these things lead to the title of Coach’s talk, “You can win when you lose, you can lose even when you win.” Think about it!

xoxo,
Bryn

PS. This was my birthday party at 14, I really loved basketball!  Today that cake would be vegan : )

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But anyway now I have a Jade mat and I feel totally free and secure.
Except I didn’t have my Jade at the beach.

Have you ever stood at the waters edge? The ground literally gets rearranged and pulled out from under your feet, water is pushing out and at the same time rushing to retreat in. Where do you find your footing? I tried so many times to enter ardha chandrasana and miserably failed, eating a bunch of salt water and looking crazy. I felt confident I could find my foot, or use my hips, or use some magic yogic skillz to find the pose even for a moment, eventually. It didn’t happen, so finally I let it go and opted for downward dog, my h(om)e away from home. I stuck all of my four limbs into the moving sand and tried to plant myself there. I got low and put all of me into it. It led to this epic beach pic.

Spiritual practice and life is a total and ongoing preparation for where you can find ground, even in chaos. How does one navigate through the unknown and through the ever-changing landscapes of our inner and outer lives? For me, I have a mantra and a place, teachers and friends, asana and bhakti. When everything else is not there, I still have my mantra. This mantra beats in my heart always, no matter what, and it is literally shelter from the storms!

Where do you find your ground? In the wise words of Hendrix:

xoxo
Bryn

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My teacher Dhanurdhara Swami put this retreat together 5 years ago with the intention to gather yogis to learn from each other and share our hearts. Here is a picture of us dancing from our hearts and being silly at the same time!

Have you heard of the word “seva”? Seva means service. Service done with joy out of love. Somehow I never loved the word “service”, but I really love when I engage myself in acts of service to others, especially when it helps and pleases others.

I want to share a secret. At this retreat, there is always some type of seva for everybody. Every meal ends with a few retreat goers helping to collect dishes, wash them, and clean the kitchen. Somehow, I think because I am a “presenter” at the retreat, almost every single year my name is not called. I have sat in my chair as the mealtime is ending listening to the lady in charge, Caroline, reading the names of who gets meal seva, hoping for so many ‘good’ reasons my name isn’t called. Reasons like: 1) I still need more time to eat 2) I need to run back to my room to change before the next program 3) I am in a great conversation that I do not want to end 4) I’m not good at cleaning 5) etc.

This year she did not call my name. At the last meal she said she was desperate for one more volunteer for seva because somebody had to leave early. I felt guilty the whole weekend so I raised my hand. I now had to (or got to!!) dry 100’s of super hot dishes coming out of the dishwasher. I got to it. Within seconds I was dripping sweat down my shirt, my legs were sweating, my face was getting its own spa treatment, my hands kept burning on the hot plates. But you know what, I was in bliss! People kept coming up and chatting with me, people that I didn’t have a chance to connect with during the weekend, people were helping me, people were laughing with me how hot it was, people were connecting, I was connecting! It was pure bliss. There was blissful chanting, blissful yoga, amazing morning meditations, great body work, wonderfully deep talks with Dhanurdhara Swami, hilarious and deep talks with Ragu, ridiculous and fun antics by us city girls in the creek trying to avoid all water species, but that dish drying seva topped it all!

Go do something you do not have to do today! Doors will open. Maybe even doors to your heart.
xoxo
Bryn

PS. This is 6am Meditation Class!

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Showing up is loving, and it’s not always easy.  Even ancient wisdom, like the classic yogic text the Yoga Sutras, shares a long list of obstacles that impede our endeavors, like indifference, laziness, doubt, misunderstandings, etc.  Its so easy to give up or stay on the surface, but when you stay with and continue that deep dive, somehow grace comes and changes you.

Stacey read a poem by Joseph Campbell and this line struck me,
“I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”

We want to congratulate all of our grads for following their bliss, dedicating themselves so fully to yoga, and for showing up and inspiring us all!

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When I first started practicing Yoga it was while I was away working on a show in San Diego. I discovered a class at the gym and became hooked. When I returned to NYC I wanted to immerse myself in all things Yoga. My professional career as an actress was what is to be expected – sporadic and irregular –never knowing when my next job would come up or when I would be doing what I “loved”. But Yoga was not sporadic. It was constant, steady and reliable. I could become absorbed into it. I could practice it.   And I loved it.

When I had the opportunity to take a teacher training I jumped at it. Although I had many “camp” like experiences over the years by being a part of various casts and shows, nothing had ever quite matched the experience of my summers away. But now being part of my Yoga Teacher Training class I was reminded again of this special thing that could happen when group of like-minded people got together not only to practice and learn, but to crack themselves open, to figure out how to keep growing and how to keep finding the beauty in life. I became a teacher to supplement my acting career and before I knew it my life had shifted, I was teaching full time and now I co-own this beautiful studio.

As adults it becomes increasingly more and more difficult to forge new pathways, to veer from our course, to break up the patterns of our lives. Often we hear “whispers” telling us to make a change, to try something new or to follow our hearts. It is easy to trick ourselves into thinking that the whispers are just the wind. But I believe it is our inherent nature to want to learn, grow and connect. And once the time for camp may be over, there is always a way to ignite our sparks and feed our souls.

After our first few years of weekend teacher trainings at Yogamaya we decided to offer our first one month intensive. When we created the calendar and schedule I have to admit I thought anyone would be crazy to commit to such a rigorous and seemingly impossible version of what we call the “Illuminated Journey”. But not only did our first class of pioneers survive, they THRIVED. I was reminded of my days at camp and how being totally immersed and invested was such a powerful thing. I remembered the value of going through my journeys with like-minded people and what happens when you put a group together and ask them to explore, share and support each other.

As we prepare for this summer’s intensive I already feel excited for this new group of trainees, about to embark on a journey of a lifetime. Will you be there? Do you hear the whisper in your ear?

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